Emotions iceberg image1/18/2024 ![]() Yet, because it was obscured, the ship stayed the course and it was disastrous. What was under the surface was very important it required a change in direction. The ship’s crew couldn’t see the iceberg in its entirety, and it proved fatal. The mass of ice below the surface destined catastrophe. Think about this: It was an iceberg that sunk the “unsinkable” Titanic. I’m not the first to make this analogy, but I don’t see it enough so I’m repeating it - and asking you to literally start by visualizing an iceberg.Īs much as 90 percent of the mass of an iceberg sits under water - under the surface where we cannot see it. Can you start to focus on the other emotion? Imagine pressing the pause button on anger, or pushing it to the side and focusing on whatever other emotions are there, even if just for a moment! Give this a little more time and space so that you can respond from a more authentic place.Let’s imagine that your child’s attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) is an iceberg. It makes sense that I lash out or feel tense when I feel vulnerable). “ Of course I’m angry anger was the most acceptable emotion in my family - when my parents were upset or sad, it always came out in fighting with each other. ![]() ![]() It probably is there for a reason, even if that reason is not currently in front of you, threatening you (ie. Try to be compassionate towards the part of you that is angry. "XZY happened and I was angry." Does it make sense to feel angry given what just happened (and yes, sometimes it may - or sometimes we may want it to!)? Is this actually about the person or situation you're presented with, or is it more about something else going on inside you? Does a boundary need to be set? Is this anger a call to action? And finally what other feelings are there besides anger, or underneath the anger? 3. Take a deep breath, count backwards from 5, or take a moment to press your feet into the ground and pay attention to what that feels like. So if you would like to explore what's underneath, here are a few ideas: 1. In these cases, your response might sound something like, “Of course I’m fine, stop bothering me”. Often, a 'primary' emotion will be our first reaction, but if it is difficult for us to feel, anger can come along and cover it up (to protect us!), sometimes before we even know it.įor example, if someone asks how you’re doing, or if you need help, support, sadness, or other vulnerable emotions might be difficult to land in, and anger might arise automatically rather than admitting how you really feel! You may also respond with anger if you’re expecting yourself to be doing just fine when you are indeed struggling. ![]() Typically, the more we suppress the emotions more closely connected to what happened, the more angry we will feel. In fact, anger is often in place to cover up or take the place a host of other emotions that accompany anger, which sometimes are more challenging or more vulnerable for us to feel. When we feel like our lives are at stake, when we need to assert a boundary or defend ourselves such as when someone physically threatens us or maybe even a squirrel steals our food). There are times when anger may bubble up to the surface, be warranted and make evolutionary sense. Anger is most functional and makes the most sense when our survival is threatened. So often when we feel angry or someone in our lives blows up at us, we may need to look beneath the surface to know what's really going on.
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